I am sad to say that I forgot most of my early school years (which is not a good sign since I am only 17 years old), but there are moments in the past that still hold strong in my memory. I remember how great things were. I was more excitable and jumpy as a kid, I had a larger imagination, and I dwelt more on inspiration (usually cartoons). I fondly remember my earlier school days, but the more I reflect, the more I realize that I changed. I now realize that I am different from what I once was. I realized all of this after finding a “blast from the past”. I realized this after finding Commando Cat.

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Commando Cat was a comic book character I imagined while in 6th Grade. I loved my creation. My character enraptured me so much that I still vaguely remember the overall plot of the original story. Generally, the plot did not make sense.

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In Commando Cat’s story, Commando Cat was an evolved cat from a space colony in the distant future. He fought against a robot dog dictator, but he was too weak to defeat him. As such, he borrowed an artifact that appeared to be the equipment of an ancient Earth hero, which he uses to travel through time and space by traveling through parallel universes.

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Suffice it to say, I was not a very skilled writer. Regardless, my creation inspired me, and that was important. I wrote for no one. I drew pictures, I wrote comics, and I made obscure jokes, all for my own amusement. I was quite happy. Then, 6th Grade ended.

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When I returned to school as a 7th Grader, I lost direction. I did not remember my plans for my comics, so I stopped working on them. Afterwards, I made a long line of similar projects. I would think of an idea, and I would work on a project for it, but I would soon lose interest. That mildly characterized my life after 7th Grade, and possibly characterizes it to this day. In 6th Grade, I would have done weeks’ worth of work on one of my concepts. Today, I infrequently sketch in my free time. I still have the same inspirations (more or less) than when I was in 6th Grade, but I miss the motivation. That is something I want to change.

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I miss motivation. I have less time nowadays, and even less energy, to spare for working on my hobbies. Although I only used comic making for fun, I miss having the energy to work on grand projects. I still remember the feeling: the ambition of completing my goal quickened my heart, pumped my blood, and burnt into my bones. I want to change back to how I was when I was younger, but I do not know how. However, I do know what the first steps could be.

The first steps to finding motivation should be to find what interests me. Partially due to my occasional drawing, I found another spark early in my junior year: illustrations. Although I have plenty of ideas for future works, I found more enjoyment in drawing characters, in addition to drawing caricatures of my friends, more than developing storylines or projects. When I illustrate, I feel a quickening in my heart again, pumping of my blood, and burning in my bones. I should pursue my illustrations further to regain the lost fire in my body, to regain my motivation and ambition. I should draw twice as much as I usually do, I should force myself to draw at least one thing each day, and I should keep going to my heart’s content. Maybe then, I can bring back the old projects that inspired and enraptured me. Maybe then, I can bring back Commando Cat.